Flattering and me

La idea e implicaciones de la montaña

2011-03-05T08:30:00.000-05:00

Las montanas ya no se ven altas. ya no tienen esa neblina que confunde la mirada. La montana ya no es tan empinada. la montana ya no tiene hielo cuando llego a la cima.
la montana ya no siente nada porque yo soy la montana.
La montana siempre fui yo y la neblina me separaba de ella.
Todavia hay confusion en el aire pero la montana ya no erupta. porque, esta montana era volcan tambien. y esta montana era tambien un nevado, pero ya no es ni uno ni lo otro.
La lluvia cae y derrite la nieve. La nieve ya no congela. un poco de hielo se forma pero ya se nota un cambio.
J'espère que Tu la bendigas. El año ya habia pasado. Fresh Air on CBC. A journey from coast to coast to coast.
Nunca hubo una montana, nunca hubo diferencia entre lo uno y lo otro. El reto es siempre separarse de la situación no por medio de emociones, pero por medio de la consciencia. La consciencia es el maestro de las emociones y es ahí donde descubrimos la igualdad de las cosas en si.
El monstruo al frente mio nunca se diferenció de mi, solamente en apariencia. que grato, es llegar a ésta conclusión. la mente me va a seguir engañando pero ya siempre recordaré mi situación personal y mi lugar en el mundo y ésto me dará la roca para seguir luchando.
Gracias Dios todopoderoso, realmente tu mereces la gloria. siempre me recordaba que tu vas mas allá de todo, mas allá de la religión, mas allá de nuestro egoismo.
Tu sabes que es lo que te estoy pidiendo. Tu sabes por lo que estoy orando. Gracias por darme un descanso.

The word "role"

2010-04-24T09:02:00.001-04:00

this come to me while waiting for the gym to open. It is saturday morning and I woke up with the explicit goal of working out at the gym to recover the exercise I did not do yesterday because of an exam. The gym is open in two hours and I stood there purpose-less, so to speak. Then I realized I felt kind of awkward without doing stuff and ,so I think, to the eyes of others I might be seen as odd.
However, although there is nothing reasonable about this thoughts, the fact of the matter is that they had there existential reality within my mind. After partly unveiling the illusion, I start to question myself.
Why is it that I think in that way? Is it something related to being part of something? what's my role in this society? why is it that I must have a role to feel that I fit, in the widest sense possible?
I do not have an answer to this, but to be the only one in this library, writing a blog to let time pass, it seems somehow awkward to me. I must stuff all the time. If not, something seeps in, percolates through my eyes and makes me believe stuff. I heard myself once saying that life is too short. Although it is true, one cannot deny that there needs to be a space of nothingness (dont know why I wrote that).
going back to the "r" word, if I were to occupy a role at all times, have a purpose at all times, fixed within a niche that is recognizable by other people, that again is purpose-less, its arbitrary, its fixed within a space and a time.
To clarify what I mean by role. People go out and know what they are doing, they ride bikes, they go to coffee shops, they entertain themselves and their time is well spent in things that bring them a light into what they do.
I am not sure if I am exaggerating but I am sure there is something that I still haven't said.
Maybe I should have never looked for something. As one of the person I appreciate the most has said "things happen naturally", "you need not to plan anything because everything always falls into place". Then, how should my way of thinking be changed to stop worrying about doing stuff? It seems to me that that requires at least some conscious effort from my part.
Recently, I was stricken by the way desire and fear motivate our thoughts and actions. After reading Bleach 401, I was impressed at something so small, to have a will of its own and controlling people by their desires. Not controlling properly speaking, but guiding them by their desire. This thing has a will of its own and has guided the whole storyline from the beginning without anyone ever suspecting of it. that is scary. And that can be said to be in God's territory.
The point here is to think what if we have goals, as reflected by our desires, which are only stepstones for something else to happen? what if our desires are given to us and our existence (physical and spiritual)only reflects the achievement of this goal? what does that mean? If thats the case then thinkking about a purpose is fruitless because our motivations are already there and in process to achieve that which we are not conscious about (be that anything). And I am again in the situation where, even after knowing this, or thinking I know this, or bleieving this is what I need to believe, I still feel empty. And then there's tension and the frustration. thinking about this leads me to think, or believe instead, that people around me are moving (which is quite true) and that they are doing things that I have not. time's flying and there is something that I am missing. One way of countering this is the thought that this time that I spend doing nothing is actually necessary. the problem here is that I compare myself to others and that makes me unhappy. bleach.

originally written may first (random stuff)

2009-05-07T10:17:00.000-04:00

the morning I woke up, the sun burnt with its deadly light. It pierced my soul as if stabbed in the back.\
The night was comfy, it was revealing of many things and the giver of peace, or ease.
Activity, meant my body had to get used to things never conceived by the mind, just the mind.
The attitude that night brings on me, can be imposed on the day, on this mighty day whose brightness blinds me out of diversity.
Serenity painted death. death painted serenity. both are akin. and if I conquer one of those then the sun will never be the same.
The sun will be mine and the hive of stars and the leaves and the movement. everything will be revealed as what it really is..
and tecnically, the sun, my property, will be my owner and i'll be honey to light as light will be to me.
the sound, the eternal sound, white noise, black silence, will not be heard anymore.
I like the idea of the mind of the mind, the ear of the ear and the eye of the eye.
It's penetrating, but not as the vibration of the sun, unstable, deceiving, escapable joy, fleeting happiness, no; this idea
is not an idea at all; it is not this nor that, it can't be pointed out; it can't be sensed in its entirety because it is One.
at times i think, it is what science will never be able achieve if it is not by Self-reflection, something that most of the times escapes scientists.
hahah, objective science, how foolish.
Science, are you showing me the truth? Dig and dig, your answer is always in front of your eyes, before your eyes, beside your eyes, inside your eyes.
but you can't see because you depend on the eyes (certainly not only the literary eyes).
au revoir amici degli occhi.

David May 1st/2009

The Idea of Perfection, The Idea of the Idea and something else yet not well thought of

2009-04-07T21:27:00.001-04:00

I don't know how to start, so I'll just start from the beginning.
It occurred to me while was thinking of about how people, trying to reflect the idea that everything they do is perfect, harmonious, tend to tell lies about themselves and their failures. With that in mind, the train of thought went something like this:

Talking to my father, I remember saying how dumb and insincere it is to not be truthful about one's own happenings.
It seemed ludicrous to me lying about something and feeling bad at the same time (that is usually what happens when I lie about something).
then, the idea of projecting an elevated idea of oneself was yet more ridiculous because of the fact that nothing in this world is perfect. Since that fact is true, then it is senseless trying to appear as one is not.

Then came the idea of ideas. When you are in danger, or believe you are in danger, you call the police, if it is the appropriate conduct.
You call the police, and nobody else, because the mean protection and support when one's in danger.
With this in mind, I started thinking about how we projected an idea that necessarily was somehow different from the reality of who we are.
After that, I realized that there is an assumption underlying the idea of anything we think.
The idea ,no matter what, is perfect. But not perfect in the sense of right and wrong, but in its static nature. Now that I think about it, I may be influenced by Plato.
and then again, the idea of perfection. then I began to think in a different way.
I have been reading the Upanishads lately and more than their veracity, I think they go beyond that, but I can't seem to put it into words.

Going back to the senselessness of projecting a fake image, I commenced thinking about the interconnectivity and, more than that, the oneness of everything; the multiplcity of reality and its effect on us.
Then I thought about the sense and information overload brought about by the intertwined system of marketing and ideas that coexists for the last century.

I apologize for manner in which this is written but, at this time, it is the only way it comes out.

Fear, envy, sense of superiority, inferiority, desire, love, and much others I can't name now, are part of the plurality of reality. They are the relations that we constantly make between ideas and objects and subjects, the people closest to us, the rest, and our environment (by environment I refer to the situational places where you move).
Somehow, you make sense of reality by use of these ever-changing connections.

Is fear non-existent? although it is a relation that we place between objects and us, and it takes a form just a sense of protection does with Police officers, there is something of illusory in it. We could also say the same thing about protection.

Just as a teacher acquires its ethos and/or the idea of a teacher i.e. of a person that provides enseignements and counsel, the police officer resembles the idea of a person that provides security, safety and protection when needed.

Yet, the person that teaches can still be a bad teacher and not be even close to the idea and purpose of a teacher. In the same manner, we could find that policemen can be corrupt and not resemble a sense of safety to which their ethos correspond to.

So in this sense, the idea of protection can be illusory and deceiving and , by extension, fear, too.
From this we can say that ideas, although seemingly existent, do not exist but as broad perception of something that can never exist fully due to the constant movement of reality.

So simply saying the "idea of perfection" is a redundancy and truly illusory non-existence, which then again is a redundancy.

Going Somewhere, and trying to think of Something, nothing comes up...
I'll rest now that something evil has been going on when I'm about to wake.

Me sorprendes mendez

2009-02-23T23:41:00.000-05:00

a volte mi sono sorpreso avec moi même.
leyendo antiguedades del año scorso me siento intrigado por lo que pensaba antes y como se ha producido cambio en lo que escribo y en las harmonias del arpa.
la guitarra se afina, el piano se afina; nunca he visto un arpa siendo afinada.
el ser humano es algo extraordinario. A veces me cansó de usar "el hombre" porque de alguna manera excluímos la mitad de la humanidad.
a veces he considerado cambiar del todo el término hombre o ser humano por algo que se adapta a lo que vivimos.
El mencionar ser humano es algo que resulta muy general para enfocar a la gente hacia una dirección. Yo soy humano, pero tambien soy colombiano, medio canadiense (jajja), estudiante, profesor, todero, terricola.
Earthling, that is what I am now. I was colombian, I was human being, now i'm an earthling.
As an earthling I linger in this planet; this planets provides me with the support of my existence, I give support to it so that I can live.
In a way, it is a mutualism between two living beings; and certainly more than 2.
I became interested in lovestock's Gaia theory and how every animal, plant, natural ocurrence, tried , in a way, to balance Something, preserve Something, maintain their existence by the act of giving and doing what they know best.

At this time, I am just writing for the pleasure that holds not giving away the computer to my brother. Although I am tired, I sense I need to stay here and see how he waits for me to leave.
He is getting tired as well. I do this not in evil spirits, or perhaps I am, if I am honest enough.
I will not try to save face. to justify is to fall into a circle.
my mind is not that clear to have some of those flashes of thought that at times occur.
It feels so liberating, yet , at the present state, I doubt something will come out. I try to write as thoughts happen. However, no thought is. no thought crosses my mind but the dim bolts of night in this vacuity.
the snow.
the coldness of these words. the coldness of my arms, my feet, my wrist...
my victory has just happened.
The chilling victory. the dish was cold and it was delicious.
Vacuity. now i'll just stay here for some minutes as to not rise any confirmation of my motivation in this blog.
I did it.
However, what did I win?
a trophy? honor? pleasure? maybe a little of the former. but, in the same spirit, there is immaturity. I would not recommend anybody reading this blog, because, at least for me, there is no sense of virtuosity in most of my words as I often perceive when the veil is not covering my eyes.
For whoever reads this in the future (well, d'uh!)I will tell you what you will most likely see in my writings.
You will find some sarcasm at times, a bit of metaphors if Im in the mood, a soul in pain most of the times and the damned mark put on our generation of idiots: the sense that you are somehow unique and nobody knows it and you must defend it someway.
We are idiots. nonetheless, that is the mark of our age. And that is what keeps us in Childlike world, not easily overcome.
Damn the world before our eyes. but damn us for being dragged by the fairies. Dieu trompeur
Arrivederci inganni

Propositos para el New Year

2007-12-31T19:16:00.000-05:00

toca ser claros con nuestro futuro. Siempre lo toca ser. si sabemos nuestro punto cardinal lo que hacemos o no hacemos tiene un sentido. que voy a hacer el proximo ano?
que pasara conmigo este ano? hasta ahora la incertidumbre ha reinado casi enteramente. lo que haga hoy despues de escribir este blog va a decidir muchas cosas.
Ruego que salga lo de Australia. hasta ahora parece lo mejor para mi y para mis padres economicamente. me imagino por alla entre canguros (jaja) y tan cerca de las polinesias, de la micronesia, de japon, de china, mmmm. ya se me salio una oportunidad de las manos ( ISLP ) ahora toca investigar.
1. definir mi camino y trabajar en pos de eso.
necesito tiempo para investigar y tiempo conmigo mismo. necesito ser consciente de lo que soy y para eso ya tengo un Sketch (Villalobos). toca explotar todo eso que tengo.
tengo que enfocarme en varias cosas. una de ellas es tranquilizarme (no se que otro nombre ponerle). tranquilizar mis ideas, calmar las emociones, organizar mi mente.

parece tambien un hecho que las notas que tengo me sirven para parece que se neceista algo mas; la sociedad, los amigos, conocidos, relativos, personas que pueden ser de gran ayuda en cualquier momento. toca agrandar mi network, toca incrementar mis posibilidades de contactar otras personas.

es increible lo que he cambiado estos anos. es increible que todavia hayan remanentes. que feo es sentir esa repulsion hacia el pasado. que horrible lo fue. no quiero que eso vuelva a pasar. por eso sera que no hablo con los antiguos.
toca hacer algo por eso. toca arreglar eso, de algun modo. me gustaria acabar con ese pedazo pero no puedo.
De nada me sirve comenzar de nuevo (cosa que me encanta hacer) si no olvido sentimientos pasados. y es precisamente lo que la cinta hablaba. es importante que olvide las amarguras. clase de 2005. que raro.

lo economico es lo que menos importa.la plata sale, la plata siempre sale. de un lado o del que no hay.la plata siempre es la preocupacion que no existe.
you know what matters.
Si hablamos de algo mas concreto, podemos hablar de otras cosas.
un proposito para el ano nuevo es la construccion de mi persona. tanto en lo interno, como en lo externo. lo externo es aquello que mejora lo interno, lo interno es lo que permanece.

Al parecer, el proximo ano se resume en tres estrellas, en tres guias bizcos:
el norte, que es mi persona que crece, sacando impurezas y gusanos perversos
El sur, que es la definicion de mi futuro, apartir de estnoche anterior al dia nuevo.
El centro, que es la materializacion de estos dos corrientes, networking. el arte de la luz en la sombra, de mostrar mi persona, de crecer en la mente de los demas.

no hay esperanza, no hay preocupacion, todo emana de algo que no se siente, no se percibe, pero que es.

In riguardo alla mia zia e Sagezza di cambio.

2007-11-28T23:11:00.000-05:00

this is the day of being busy. I have been busy from day to midnight. I have been busy from week to week . And this is all coming to an end in just two weeks.
Sprezzo mia zia. I feel anger and almost hatred for making fun of me. what kind of person would do such thing? I would expect (nah, I wouldn't) from an enemy, but not from a family member.
I don't even know if my anger is justifiable. there has been past history on her attitude towards competition and she insists on comparing between son and cousin. How obnoxious! how numbly equivocal her perception and also childish.
she is like almost 50. how can she be so immature. I'm angry and if I stop thinking it is not even worth being so. Look at her. envy flows through her veins and her only intent is to make me feel bad. Am I going to let her change my mood? it is ilogical. I do not plan to get infected. I'd rather get a cold than be poisoned by her weakness. how frivolous.
she just came in, stared at me for some time and did nothing. at looked at her waiting for some response and the only thing I said was: Que pasa? (what happens?). She said: nada (nothing), then I just told her I was reading. she turned around and laughed without saying a word. how hideous, my words are not enough to express my anger. my blood flows faster at this very time I'm writing this blog and I am aware of the rush and adrenaline flowing through my head, blinding me from the obvious truth: let it go.
Still, I feel this incredible pain. I want to make her feel bad for what she did. and I am just plain sincere. I know it is wrong to think in this way but she ushers my actual state. what can I do?
this is a burden in my heart that will make me explode in rage in some days.
there must be a way out from the sting.
...
....
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...
....
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she does not even deserve to be treated with respect by me.
nobody does those things with knowledge of the consequnces.
God please have mercy of both of us.
i Wanna sleep
God save my soul from this rage.

Acerca de la responsabilidad en el futuro y en lo que voy a hacer---About the responsability in the Future and what I'm going to do.

2007-05-24T00:13:00.000-04:00

I must admit the heavy-ness of hearing what I will tend to do in my life and the compromises I will aquire in the future. Today has been a day in each much has been revealed to me. Like always I'm not satisfied with it and now I feel nervous about my future and about the best doing and the best path possible.
Why am I so worried? Like it or not, God has showed me this window to my world. It seems so accurate the description the guy had from me. I have to be prepared to confront my demises that seem fainting at each time and seem nonetheless stronger with this revelation.
Should I have known that from the beginning. Only God knows. And I guess if he showed me that it's because it was a must that my ears were at it. I'm scared. I'm deadly scared. My God . My dear God.I'm worried about a bad life. As it was put, it all depends on me and my control. I can do it. And I know I can , because I'm with God, and nothing can stop me if it is not by God's Everlasting Will. I guess I'm again at God's mercy. It has always been Him. My soul rests.
I have nothing to be afraid if I'm in God's light. No matter what I will continue to grow like a wonderful fountain of everlastingness and goodness. Continue growing, you heard the guy. Use your head before speaking e consigliati di tutti quei che ti vogliono.
You've been doing great even if you don't see it. It is incredibly the way you have grown these lighter days.
It's true: you are a hermit soul, however that is where the sage soul rests. I can't believe how accurate the guy was. He even saw that. God will unravel my appointed strenght little by little. I'm starting to feel it. Don't forget your sword of Humbleness. Don't forget your things in order. Don't forget the calmness of the wind caressing your cheeks. Remember God at all times and your life will shine like non before.
Godspeed to my soul
farewell to the dawn
I see my eyes and glimpse fire
I jump of joy and face the night.
With the light of God
I'm desired
With the Truth in hands
You Are My Sire.

David Celis.

5/23/07

Imitation as a form of flattering

2007-05-06T11:43:00.000-04:00

Image via WikipediaIt is very special when you are actions are manifested in other people without them knowing they act towards imitating a better manner, a better way, better self. Please don't judge me for these words for I have copied some behaviors as well and I'm not better than the people that surround me, not you are better than me. It is incredible how the human being, without the need for reason, performs the imitation on what he/she unconsciously considers the best for their walk in life.

Yesterday, I was so happy when I heard a guy at work mumbling the same complex song i had sang some weeks ago and with similar achievement of its singing. people copy your manners as well. A lady from my college algebra class studies with me at times and I must say she has changed a lot. When I first met Bibi, she offered me to sit next to her after I chatted with her some time before the classroom. She would get anxious for a test and do nothing because she was astounded with the bare thought. I started studying with her, equally knowing the same as her. I told her nothing to cheer her, but the sole confidence I transmitted her made her talk carefreely and she started to copy my behavior. When she came with a "impossible" problem I would take a look with little concern and tell her it was easy and started doing it step by step. I made her some recommendations that I told her I usually did and she took in mind.
She has her own distinct manner of speaking, but she moves her hands and her body very similar to me. She even has some phrases that equal mine. i feel very happy with it. At the beginning I did not know why I felt happy, then a friend told me and I was impressed.
Bibi gets incredibly better grades in her College Algebra class and I think I came out to be useful for her.
The other day I was reading about the imitation as a means to enhance our dealings with this world so we can maneuver problems in the best way (I believe I was reading Gabriel Tarde) and I found incredibly useful to understand what happens when a social group starts acquiring the traits of a prominent figure. I also learned how human beings can adapt to enhance their action in their lives and surroundings. Fear is our greatest obstacle to imitate. and I'm not going to say anymore. You'll tell me why, and we all will have a better understanding. Thanks for your time.I just want to have some opinions.

Nephermagno